A very sad and tragic event happened a few days ago in my neighborhood here in Guarambare. The mother at my next door neighbors’ house passed away early Friday morning from a brain aneurism at the age of 49. This was a very shocking event to the family, my host family, the neighbors and me. I will try to recount a little of what happened before and after the incident to share some about the customs surrounding death in Paraguay.
The woman woke up Thursday morning with a severe headache. After resting in bed for a little while longer, she decided to begin her day by working in my host family’s yard with the chickens. She was hit with a severe head pain around lunch and was taken to the hospital later that afternoon. The youngest daughter informed me that her mom was in the hospital, while I was both visiting her aunt’s house across the street from me where another PCT lives. I have often played games with this daughter at my house since she is best friends with my two twin host sisters. After returning to my home for the night, I was awoken at 4:30am to the sounds of sobbing in the next room. As I listened closer I could here my host mother and sisters saying that she had died. It was so unexpected that I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I just laid in bed all morning until the time I was suppose to wake up for class. In the morning my host mom explained a little about what had happened to the neighbor, but I could obviously tell that she was very emotional as well since she said the woman was one of her best friends and like a sister to her.
After talking with some of the Peace Corps staff members that day and with the other PCT Brenda who was also awoken in the early morning to the sounds of crying, since she lives at the house of the husbands brothers house, we both were able to share some our emotions we were currently experiencing and what the future days were to hold for us as PCTs in the houses of family and friends and neighbors to this woman. Later that evening after returning home I went with my host mom and siblings to the el velorio, translated it means the sit up. In Paraguay after someone dies a table is set up, similar to an altar, in the house where people are invited to visit to say their condolences during the 24 hours after death. People are then invited to sit up with the family for the night while family, friends and neighbors visit throughout the 24 hours. At the vigil I said my condolences to a few of the remaining family members (she left behind a family of eight kids), and sat around with at least 40 or so other friends and family members for a while.
The funeral was then held the next morning. While both Brenda and I shared with our family’s that we could attend the funeral with them, they both informed us to attend school instead. Funerals are usually held one day after the death and the body is then buried directly into the cemetery that day. The funeral process happens quite quickly, unlike in the states when it can take up to a week to prepare all the necessary steps for the funeral and cemetery.
After the funeral, there is a nine day process called el rezo, or prayer. Everyday at a certain everyone gathers to say a series of prayers lead by a clergy member. After 20 minutes of the prayers, everyone sits down to enjoy refreshments and the company of one another. I attended one on Sunday with my PCT neighbor and her family.
Overall I am still in a state of shock from the experience. Hearing the cries of my host sisters at 4 in the morning, seeing the tears of my host mom, and feeling the agony of the swollen and bruised face of the 11 year old daughter that just the other day was playing tic-tac-toe with me for an hour after dinner will stay with me while in Paraguay. But not in only a sad manner. I was happily shocked at the amount of love shown between neighbors and relatives. While the Paraguay people are known for their tranquillo nature, when a tragic event of death happens the open display of emotion demonstrated the strong connection bond of love family and friends have for each other. Paraguayans spend their time in the company of one another. Living together, forming ideas with each other, and teaching one another about life, love, and family.
Although this journey for me has just begun and I am a few years away from seeing many of you again, I want you to know I love you and carry you all in my heart.
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